Im at strip club and am horny
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Actions speak louder than pants.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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