just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
