Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
