I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Randomize
