i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
