I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
