Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
