My first STD was from a foam party
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
