she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
