He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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