a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
