do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
