I bet he comes in French.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
