Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
she pinky promised me she was 18
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
So squirting runs in the family.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
