Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
