maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
