you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
