I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
