Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
