u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize