Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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