I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
