Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
