He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
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