belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
