he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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