The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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