so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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