I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
