so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
