can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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