Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Randomize
