I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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