I didn't shave. On purpose
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
