A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
