I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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