Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We were destined to go to rehab together
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
