The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
