I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
