She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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