tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize