Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i just wanna soil my oats bro
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
