You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
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