Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Well I just put wine in my tea
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
