Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
