Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
