The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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