i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
