just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
