someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
