you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
