So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
