True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Another day, another engagement, another cat
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
you never un-have a 4some
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
