We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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