1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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