I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
