I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
