allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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