a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
