I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
