eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize
