tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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