do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
