i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
