its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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