We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
