I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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