I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
