RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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