Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
