So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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