when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
