Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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