Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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