Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize