haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
