I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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