Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
